Dating Across the Aisle

Love, as address in literature throughout time, is something we cannot control. We cannot chose who we fall for. Sometimes you fall for the liberal hippy, or the heartless conservative. I found two articles about dating someone who has completely different political ideals than you.

First, a woman who is a fierce conservative but finally gave a liberal guy a chance. Her thoughts on why these relationships work:

 I’ll theorize why it works in a way that you won’t hear from the lecterns at CPAC: They probably have great sex.

s a moderate rightie who has happily dated on the other side of the political spectrum, I can say that if you’re that passionate about the issues, it usually carries over into other aspects of your life. If you clash over the issues, at some point you’ve gotta make up. If you find someone who challenges you, you’ve got it made.

This won’t work simply because you mark different votes on the ballot.

There are smug liberals and sarcastic liberals, and pious conservatives and irreverent conservatives. Smug liberals and pious conservatives can’t stand each other. Sarcastic liberals and irreverent conservatives, however, easily get along, and can howl at the “South Park” episode lampooning George Clooney’s Oscar speech without getting offended. For the most part, it’s a highly accurate assessment.

The pluses for dating a liberal guy?

There are high points. For starters, leftist boyfriends won’t criticize or act creeped out around your gay friends. And contrary to popular belief that they’re indoctrinated in a school of “impoliteness equals equality,” they hold open doors and pick up the check as often as their conservative counterparts. Liberal men also have the potential to take some of the identity politics, so to speak, out of relationships: Duties are shared rather than branded “women’s work,” and these guys seem to be less hurt or offended if a woman decides to keep her maiden name.

A liberal man may make a good match for more independent, free-spirited, career-oriented, driven women. Before meeting Karl, I had a conservative boyfriend who told me that women shouldn’t be police officers. I was a criminology major, so that went over really well. It soon became apparent that he was looking for not so much a partner in crime as a little woman to ring the dinner bell (literally — he was a farmer). Strike out!

To read about the opposite situation, follow the link.

This article was from the NY times, and is written by a woman who is a self proclaimed “far left” liberal who fell hard for a republican:

I am not just an average Democrat — I lean way, way left. I marched along Fifth Avenue protesting the 1991 Persian Gulf war. I rode a bus to Albany to march against the death penalty. When I enter a voting booth, I choose all the candidates in the same column, without hesitation. My last love, before my husband, Lorne, had grown up in Berkeley, Calif., in the 60s. He was so far left, he made me look centrist.

I had never had an actual relationship with a Republican. Wisely, he did not confess that night. But after I ranted some more, I had a strange feeling that he might disagree with me.

What can I say? Love can sidetrack a person. Still, it did not feel good when I told myself: I love a Republican. It felt, in fact, like I had betrayed someone. Or many people.

Angry with him and myself, I began to argue about every political issue that landed on our doorstep with the morning paper. The more I argued, the more I saw how little we agreed.

The tensions are hard to overcome, she notes, as evidenced by how few cross party couples you see.

On the way home, I vowed to stay away from political discussions with this group or any of Lorne’s friends, forever. As we sped through our little blue state, I sneaked a glance at him driving. True, Lorne avoided these arguments. But it didn’t matter. I knew where he stood, and where I stood, and it was not on the same side. Could a marriage survive such a solid barrier of disagreement? How many bipartisan couples did I know? Absolutely none.

Later, she notes that her husband comes around and is supporting Obama this election.

It would be nice to think I had changed him, but I hadn’t: if anything, he had just proved that he’s more thoughtful and independent than ever. And I, for better or worse, remain just as passionate and stubborn. Which is maybe (let’s hope) a big part of why he fell in love with me.

My take? Everyone knows what the right answer is. It just takes some a bit longer to figure it out.