Engendered Species
I think gender stereotypes are ridiculous. If I have a daughter she will not have barbie shoved down her throat. If she wants a soccer ball instead- that’s what she will get. If a dude works in what is traditionally a female dominated industry I don’t think less of him.
However, I discovered this weekend, I am not completely immune to gendered thinking. On two occasions, female friends needed help with something traditionally masculine- help with a tire and help with a gas grill. And although I was nearby they sought out another guy. While it should not have bothered me, I have to admit I felt a bit emasculated.
Perhaps I shouldn’t read so much into it. Maybe it has nothing to do with being a “man”, maybe they think I am generally incompetent. Not that this would make me feel better. I have no ill will to the girls who did not think to ask me. I just wonder if I am wrong for feeling looked over. Would I have felt looked over if I was a girl?
I like to think I am fairly progressive, and I was shocked at how easily I was offput at failing my gender. I think I got a glipse of how conflicted women must feel who want to be treated as equals intellectually and in the workplace but who also still want to be seen as pretty. Just because I like to dress well and try to take care of my looks does not mean I don’t know how to throw a left hook or change oil. I suddenly feel like the subject of a Katy Perry song.
Anyone else like to think we have moved beyond these stereotypes as a society, but still fall for them on a personal level?
Posted on August 11, 2008, in Humor, Personal, Relationships and Sex, Society. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.
I’ve been studying just this thing, Jonathan – esp. how the personal level stereotypes can get in the way of doing business in our more progressive-seeming society. It is a hard one to research, because it involves putting men or women on the spot and pointing out how what they say/espouse out in the world is very different from what they do in their personal lives. One aspect of this is the parenting angle – and the NYT Mag did a good cover story of this a month or two ago. The writer interviewed a psychologist or similar professional about how women and men can pursue a more gender-balanced parenting/household management approach, but one thing that tends to come up is how the moms can’t give up making sure Suzy is in the perfect outfit for school or Bobby’s hair has been trimmed recently. In a way – we all (man or woman) need to take responsibility for “allowing” one another to be the people we are – whether that is using our feminine or masculine brain traits.
So – yes, society would seem to be ahead of the personal in this regard. How does that happen?
Thanks for writing about the topic – and, an aside, let me know if you’d be interested in being on my “men’s advisory panel” for my continuing research.